Wow! It's unbelievable how one chances upon what has been 'asleep' for years...lol!
Well, now that I've refound my blog, perhaps it's time to awaken it... let's see how this goes... My reflections lately have been how easy it is to be 'caught' in a trail of thoughts that are totally unhelpful and worse... untrue!! Yes, even Religious get that! Surprised? Don't be, the fact is that we are human too and subject to 'illusions' that lead us to ways that are not of God. So, that's my conclusion, that the 'bad' thoughts are definately not from God but allowed by God, to help me know myself better and to recognise how God can and is leading and guiding me through those negative thoughts and feelings. I have learnt to acknowledge that I'm not as strong as I'd like to think I am and as such I do get 'lied' to by.... I do listen to those lies and make myself miserable at times but thankfully, there's the daybreak that clears the darkness and gives me new light and new hope so regularly. I must admit I still do sometimes get caught and wallow in it for a while, but thankfully, I now know that there's a reason and purpose for the feelings and experiences I go through and so now I just pray for the patience to unravel them. Each of these are genuine moments of learning and I'm grateful for them now... no, I'm not eager for these experiences, who likes feeling lousy eh. Still, I'm learning that each one has a meaning for me, for me to grow into maturity, not just with age but with the Spirit and that I do cherish.
The 'moral' of this 'story', know that 'the father of lies' will tempt, with coherce but rooted in God, all things can become 'living waters'... so, lets learn to drink deeply of God's Spirit and trust in the Love that never ever abandons us but raises up each time we fall. Pax!
Friday evening, I had offered to go with another Sister to renew her mobile phone contract and we went to the closest shopping center to do this. The lady at the retail shop who had been very friendly and helpful at other times was not at the shop so, I spoke to another assistant, a 'kid' who was looked bored and tried to be helpful. He then, simply told us that the mobile we wanted was not available but it could be available at another of their retail shops. I 'grumbled' to God that was troublesome but all the same, off we went to another shopping center so that we could get the 'job' done.
At the next retail shop, we met a very friendly young woman who had a face that reminded me of our Lady of Sorrows! It was a smiling but deeply sad, melancholy face who advised us that the mobile we wanted was available but it was not the best and that it was being pulled of the market to review its faults! Now why couldn't the guy in the other shop have told us that?? 'Ms melancholy face' advised us to take another mobile which was equally good and it was offered free with a contract renewal. The voucher we had, she said, could be used for phone accessories and she advised us on those too.
Somehow with that beautifully sad face and her intermitten sharing on how hard it was to get customers and over and above that, her sharing that she had difficulties with her husband who was also her boss! touched our hearts deeply. So, we were happily 'sold', and we also offered to pray for her while, have been thus advised, she too promised to pray for her husband as he was a Catholic and she was not! Somehow it seemed that God wanted us to be here and to listen to the 'woes' of 'ms melancholy' and to tell her that she could still pray even if she wasn't a Catholic...
End of story? No...
Happy at our purchase, we went for a simple coffee-shop meal as it was past dinner time... and as we finished we decided to treat ourself with an 'ice-cream' at the next shop. Five minutes into the 'ice-cream' we realised that we had left the bag which contained the old mobile phone box with all the accessories in the coffee shop! We rushed back but it was gone!!! Crest falled, I prayed that somehow whoever took it would return it but how?? Thankfully, the new mobile was safe in Sr's bag but all the other accessories and the old mobile with all her contacts and photos were in that box! What did God want from us in this was the painful prayer that went from our hearts, but still, we were grateful that we still had the new mobile safe in the bag. Three times, we went back to the place where we left the bag and asked the shopkeepers and cleaners but no one saw anything... it was gone and nothing could be done! So, downhearted, we decided to call it a night and go home...
While waiting for the bus, my mobile rang and an unfamiliar voice said... "I found a box'!! My heart jumped and I quickly responded 'YES!!'
So, yes... we got it all back even though we had to make an extra trip to get it back. The lady who found the bag with the box was a real estate agent and she gave us her card while we thanked her profusely. She had been kind enought to check the contacts on old mobile and to dial a few numbers she found and thankfully one of them was mine.
So, obviously God has a sense of humour and while we may have been the brunt of it... I am deeply grateful for the experience that brought God so close in all that happened and we ended the day with much joy and gratitude for the Godly day!
The convent I currently live in and Children's Home in our premises, celebrated our 70th Anniversary last Saturday. There was a really big celebration organised by the staff of the the Home. All who used to live there, staff and affiliates and various VIPs were invited for Mass followed by a concert, performed by the children who are currently in our Home. It was a really big and impressive affair that concluded with a 'marketplace' where free food was served.
I was there... helping to serve at the 'kachang puteh' and 'putu maiyam' stall. I totally enjoyed serving people our local delicacies, yet what I cherished more was the interaction with the people who came by the stall with a big smile and a joy that showed how 'at home' they were. Their 'shining' faces was priceless gift that will always be in my memory.
I have not literally served in the Home as most of my ministry takes me to different parishes but just being there gave me a sense of the reverence that those who had passed through this Home felt. A number of the 'oldies' came up to tell me of their personal history; of their being a part of the Children's Home. My lack of history became a 'plus' as it allowed them to happily share theirs and listening to them was a joy indeed.
The most interesting stories I heard were shared by three old boys [now in their 60s] who were very obviously delighted at being a part of this celebration. They joyfully shared about how 'clever' they were and how they got 'punished' by the nuns who never seemed to know how to deal with their naughtiness. They were like bright lights as they happily re-lived their naughty boy days and regaled stories of how, despite the punishments they were happy with their pranks. Their eagerness in sharing and their in joy meeting the now elderly Sisters was truly a beautiful and enriching sight.
It was truly a memorable day. Our prayers that the fine weather would hold out seemed initially threatened as dark clouds gathered at the start of the celebrations but the prayers prevailed and we had a nice day! There were showers of blessings as the celebrations came to a close and a silent prayer of thanksgiving went up from many hearts.
"Thank you God, for the abundance of blessings we have received in so many ways... our gratitude will never measure up to the magnanimity of your love and so we continue to offer you our frail lives and that of those whom we seek to serve in your Name." Amen!
I signed up for the retreat simply because it was held in Malaysia, Kluang and I wanted a retreat away from the 'noise' and the 'temptations' of Singapore, my home ground. It didn't matter who the retreat director was as I have, in my 24 years of Religious Life experienced enough retreats to know that ultimately at times like these... God takes charge!
Right from the start of my journey, to the "Oasis" in Kluang, after a two-hour long queue at the Malaysian checkpoint, travelling alone, I panicked when I realised that I didn't really know which bus would take me directly to my destination! I walked around the bus station, dragging my trolley bag and knapsack, just looking at the numerous stalls where there were tickets sold to so many destinations... and then confused, I just stopped. God of course, then took charge and so, immediately in front of me was the stall that sold tickets to 'Kluang'! My heart said "God knows the way" and I happily bought my ticket. That was quite a relief!
My next concern, upon struggling up the bus amidst pouring rain was, now where to get off the bus! I spotted a lady sitting just behind the driver and sheepishly approached her, asking if she knew the place I was going to. I think, at that point, wearing my religious habit 'saved' me as she looked at me, sensed my agitation and immediately reassured me that she knew the place and would direct me as to where to alight and then give me directions from there. God was surely in-charge and I was ready to sing "Alleluia!" I thus relaxed and enjoyed the two hour journey and finally reached the 'Oasis' that evening. Little did I know that I was walking into a 'cloud of unknowing'!
The retreat was based on Christian Meditation and the zealous director, a Franciscan priest scheduled 6 times daily, all together, prayer in silence and stillness with the recommended mantra 'ma-ra-na-tha'!. I was ready for a retreat but 6X silent meditation, over and above the scheduled talks, Mass and other daily prayers and a DVD to top it of! I was quite flabbergasted! The 'usual' annual retreats we had were a maximum of 2 daily talks, Mass and the rest was free time for prayer etc.! My heart said... "Lord, what is this about!!". Nonetheless, after the initial 'shock' I regained my composure. My cognitive self said... "well, you do trust in God's direction right?". So, faith took over and I acquiesced, mostly... I decided to begin the day with morning prayer alone and submit to the rest of the day's schedule. With that, the rest of the retreat went rather quickly and tranquilly. I prayed the 'ma-ra-na-tha' with other Sisters, in the midst distractions concerning ministry, planning and of desires arising ;) but mostly it was a beautiful union of silence and stillness that opened and closed with the chime of a soft bell.
God cannot be outdone is loving and giving and I have emerged from this retreat with a desire to pray without asking, without seeking, without expecting and simply being present with God who dwells within. It felt good, it felt right! The simplicity of the mantra leads to a letting-go and a calmness of spirit makes God's presence tangible even while distractions abound. The prayer is simple but not easy, requiring constant re-focusing, a quite moving away from the multitude of seemingly good distractions. The silence and stillness is wholly God-time and it has re-inforced my belief that God cannot be outdone in generosity, giving a loving overflowing, hundredfold. The prayer of silence and stillness takes time, makes room, makes depth and especially creates a sacred space within, vivifies the 'temple' of God within and creates a desire to dwell there and bring forth the fruits that it implicitly bears.
So, as we concluded the retreat, we renewed our Religious vows at the closing Eucharist we once again voice our YES! to God within and without in love and union of hearts!
May this Pentecost bring forth an overflowing of Love, Joy and Peace! ALLELUIA!
Tis' the month of May...a blazing hot month here. Still... it's a beautiful month, Why? It's the month of Mary, the Immaculate Virgin, the Queen of Angels, the Star of the Sea... and no matter who says what, she's THE MOTHER and my love for her runs deep within like a quiet stream of flowing water
I therefore, make an effort to pray the Rosary daily and the best part of my week is the Marian Novena sessions that I lead at a couple of churches. This 'gift' of the Marian Novena has made a wonderful difference in my life. Week after week, during this Novena I eagerly share my thoughts, learnings and reflections in a 7minute 'homily' with the congregation that gathers before Mass to pray for our Mother's intercession in their life's struggles. The beautiful prayers, petitions and thanksgiving letters that come for her have often touched me deeply and have served to enrich my life and make me ever more grateful for who I am; and for the abundance of blessings I've received in my life.
Thus, it is with a heart that prays to grow more like the Woman who said "Be it done unto me according to your Word" [Luke 1:38] that I seek our incarnational God in all that comes my way. I pray that this desire may be one that continues to motivate and inspire me in our mission to "make Jesus know and loved
As at Cana, Mother, intercede with Jesus to change our little water into wine as we continue to love and offer you praise...
