I signed up for the retreat simply because it was held in Malaysia, Kluang and I wanted a retreat away from the 'noise' and the 'temptations' of Singapore, my home ground. It didn't matter who the retreat director was as I have, in my 24 years of Religious Life experienced enough retreats to know that ultimately at times like these... God takes charge!
Right from the start of my journey, to the "Oasis" in Kluang, after a two-hour long queue at the Malaysian checkpoint, travelling alone, I panicked when I realised that I didn't really know which bus would take me directly to my destination! I walked around the bus station, dragging my trolley bag and knapsack, just looking at the numerous stalls where there were tickets sold to so many destinations... and then confused, I just stopped. God of course, then took charge and so, immediately in front of me was the stall that sold tickets to 'Kluang'! My heart said "God knows the way" and I happily bought my ticket. That was quite a relief!
My next concern, upon struggling up the bus amidst pouring rain was, now where to get off the bus! I spotted a lady sitting just behind the driver and sheepishly approached her, asking if she knew the place I was going to. I think, at that point, wearing my religious habit 'saved' me as she looked at me, sensed my agitation and immediately reassured me that she knew the place and would direct me as to where to alight and then give me directions from there. God was surely in-charge and I was ready to sing "Alleluia!" I thus relaxed and enjoyed the two hour journey and finally reached the 'Oasis' that evening. Little did I know that I was walking into a 'cloud of unknowing'!
The retreat was based on Christian Meditation and the zealous director, a Franciscan priest scheduled 6 times daily, all together, prayer in silence and stillness with the recommended mantra 'ma-ra-na-tha'!. I was ready for a retreat but 6X silent meditation, over and above the scheduled talks, Mass and other daily prayers and a DVD to top it of! I was quite flabbergasted! The 'usual' annual retreats we had were a maximum of 2 daily talks, Mass and the rest was free time for prayer etc.! My heart said... "Lord, what is this about!!". Nonetheless, after the initial 'shock' I regained my composure. My cognitive self said... "well, you do trust in God's direction right?". So, faith took over and I acquiesced, mostly... I decided to begin the day with morning prayer alone and submit to the rest of the day's schedule. With that, the rest of the retreat went rather quickly and tranquilly. I prayed the 'ma-ra-na-tha' with other Sisters, in the midst distractions concerning ministry, planning and of desires arising ;) but mostly it was a beautiful union of silence and stillness that opened and closed with the chime of a soft bell.
God cannot be outdone is loving and giving and I have emerged from this retreat with a desire to pray without asking, without seeking, without expecting and simply being present with God who dwells within. It felt good, it felt right! The simplicity of the mantra leads to a letting-go and a calmness of spirit makes God's presence tangible even while distractions abound. The prayer is simple but not easy, requiring constant re-focusing, a quite moving away from the multitude of seemingly good distractions. The silence and stillness is wholly God-time and it has re-inforced my belief that God cannot be outdone in generosity, giving a loving overflowing, hundredfold. The prayer of silence and stillness takes time, makes room, makes depth and especially creates a sacred space within, vivifies the 'temple' of God within and creates a desire to dwell there and bring forth the fruits that it implicitly bears.
So, as we concluded the retreat, we renewed our Religious vows at the closing Eucharist we once again voice our YES! to God within and without in love and union of hearts!
May this Pentecost bring forth an overflowing of Love, Joy and Peace! ALLELUIA!
