Eastertide...

Yes, Jesus is Risen! and... well, it's still Eastertide and finally, I'm inspired to put down some reflections. I did wonder where all my inspiration went :) 

The last weekend was a really hectic weekend.  Kicked off by our General Elections on Saturday, where we lost a good man in the ruling party to a new party, but in that loss we gained some new, fresh and hopeful faces.  It was, in fact, quite nerve racking to watch the results.  Nonetheless, my prayer was answered and I do believe that God will always provide what's best! 

Sunday was a day for celebrations as it was our Foundress Day! We celebrated the Feast of St. Magdalene of Canossa with all our lay-Canossians, some of whom even came from Malaysia! There was of course some hiccups like the projector that didn't connect, but it finally worked just when Fr Paul, our celebrant walked in for the celebration of the Eucharist. That was a really close call! The liturgy was simple and beautiful, after which we watched the following vid-clip of our Foundress which I really like...

So, as we grow to know St Magdalene of Canossa, please also pray for her daughters and sons to be true to our Foundress' charism of making Jesus known and loved as we journey on in our various ministries and communities.

A belated 'Buona Pasqua' to all! 

May the Peace and Joy of our Risen Lord touch each one of you and fill you with Hope!

It is Lent...

Fr Ron Rolheiser, OMI in one of his articles wrote:

"It would be nice if we always felt warm, reverent, altruistic, full of faith, chaste, hopeful, connected with others and nature, happy about who we are and what life has dealt us. But that isn't the case. We all have moments and even seasons of doubt, anger, alienation, pettiness, boredom, obsession, and tiredness. Our thoughts are not always holy and our hearts are not always warm or pure. It's at times like this we need prayer and what we need to take to prayer is, precisely, those bitter thoughts and unholy feelings."

I reverently subscribe to such thoughts and so, when I received some news that I didn't like and didn't want to accept I woke up early the next morning [one of those rare days!] and decided to take the 'issue' with God. God somehow never, ever fails to respond, even though I sometimes think I'd rather listen to the mystery of God's silence! However...

I sat alone in a darkened chapel and said to myself... "let me look at today's Gospel [on sons of Zebedee and drinking the from the Cup of Christ] and the 'reflection', perhaps there lies the 'answer'.  The reflection I 'regretably' chose was one taken from the writings of Mother Elvira Petrozzi and this is what I read and 'heard'... 

Sometimes the Lord wants us to participate in and mature in human suffering. "Pain is part of human life. Do not avoid it, minimise its significance, or talk about it in such a trivial way!" As weak and fragile people we lose those moments to immaturity! We tend to defend ourselves vigorously and 'miss the boat' ~ ie the "boat of maturity and self control, of the capacity to be quiet and to suffer with dignity in silence".

In the mysterious school of the Cross, God did not explain it but welcomed it in Jesus. "Jesus invites us to look at Him, to ask Him for faith and love, that our heart will not lose hope, and after the darkness of Good Friday we will know how to capture in our own lives the radiant light of Easter morning! ... In Him pain and death are defeated!"

So, it's the Cross to maturity that I need to ride on during this Lent... Jesus help me learn from this Cross and allow it to bring me to the light of the Resurrection. Amen!

Teilhard de Chardin's Prayer

Patient Trust

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
     to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
     unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
     that it is made by passing through
     some stages of instability—
     and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;
     your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,
     let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
     as though you could be today what time
     (that is to say, grace and circumstances
     acting on your own good will)
     will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
     gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
     that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
     in suspense and incomplete.

—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

Japan

There is no one to blame here.. only ourselves for messing around with the natural process of nature. Japan, my heart goes out to you ~ we all worldwide, contributed to the disaster you're facing now. All that can now be done is to pray for you all that God's mercy will prevail and that you will overcome.

A sense of helplessness prevails for us who can't actually do anything concrete but Japan we are with you in this... know that we keep you close in our hearts and prayers.

We thank God for the people who are there helping in the many ways and for those who have suffered in aiding them we keep them in our prayers too... what more can we do??

Dear God,

In your mercy,

be with your people

who suffer from the repercussions

of humankind's abuse of the earth. 

Sustain them,

in this time of pain

and in their search for meaning through it all. 

Give the helpers a tenacity

that seeks to find those caught 

in a voiceless call for help.

Sustain those who have only

pain and agony as their bread,

and bring them to the end of the tunnel

where your light shines through...

Loving Father, 

be with your people who cry

with hearts that are deadened with sorrow.

Cover them with your Spirit 

that they may be 'safe' in love.

Jesus, you who cried for those suffered

and forgave those who crucified you,

stay close to your people in Japan who

need your presence so intensely now.

Stay close as your Mother stayed with you

at the foot of the Cross.

Mother of Love at the foot of the Cross,

You know the pain of suffering,

of watching your Beloved crying and dying,

of being helpless at the foot of the Cross.

Mother, intercede for these people...

IT Show's in town!

IT show! I like those shows with the multitude displays of technology! I don't claim to be tech savvy but I can say that I'm the 'one eyed in the land of the blind', at least where technology is concerned.

So, despite a busy weekend, I managed find some time after Mass on Sunday to go for the show but.. couldn't find company to go with.  I was disappointed as I don't like going to such places alone but I wasn't going to miss this one and I did have a couple of small things I wanted.

So, Sunday morning, after mass, as I was walking back to the convent, I said to God.. "why won't you give me someone to go to the IT show with!!".  God responded "you didn't ask me, though you asked a number of other people!". Oh! So, there and then I asked God, "please send me someone to go to the IT show with". 

When I reached the convent, I found that there were 3 calls and a message on my mobile!! It was my nephew asking me to call my cousin who had called to say he would go to the IT show with me! God sure worked fast!! I was totally delighted and this was my cousin who refused to go for Mass!! I told him when we met that he had actually responded to God's call to him to accompany me! He wasn't too happy about that but simply brushed it aside...

We went... taking 2 short train rides and walking quite a bit... The IT show was crowded but it was manageable. I got what I wanted and as we shoved and pushed our way around my cousin, who claimed that he was just accommodating my request bought a number of large and heavy items!! We left within a couple of hours as the crowds were getting chaotic! I ended up carrying a large and heavy bag for my cousin as he was carrying an equally heavy and bulky bag!... again the journey home was ~ two train rides and a walk.

So... what did I learn from that.. that God has a real sense of 'humour'. This was, of course, at the expense of my 'need'. I got my company but I also got to carry the heavy bag and realized that in fact, God sent me to help my cousin carry stuff  he bought! A comic irony indeed! Trust God to play a trick like that! God's ways, to say the least, is amazingly unfathomable and totally unexpected :)) and basically, I do love God that way. Pax!

Karl Rahner's thoughts on Faith

Karl Rahner on the ‘veil of faith’.

        Have you ever kept silent, despite the urge to defend yourself when you were unfairly treated?

        Have you ever forgiven another although you gained nothing by it and your forgiveness was accepted as quite natural?

        Have you ever made a sacrifice without receiving any thanks or acknowledgement, without even feeling any inward satisfaction?  Have you ever decided to do a thing simply for the sake of conscience, knowing that you must bear sole responsibility for your decision without being able to explain it to anyone?

        Have you ever tried to act purely for love of God when no warmth sustained you, when your act seemed like a leap in the dark, simply nonsensical?

        Have you ever been good to someone without expecting a trace of gratitude and without the comfortable feeling of having been ‘unselfish’? 

  If you have had such experiences, Rahner asserts, then you have experienced God, perhaps without even realizing it. 

Extract from "Against An Infinite Horizon" by Ronald Rolheiser, OMI

A Corinthian lesson...

At Bible class last evening...

It struck me that when Paul chided the Christian Corinthians for their fractions "I am for Apollos, I am for Cephas..." the Corinthians in all their prosperity and culture, were looking for wisdom [and entertainment] in good speeches, rhetoric and philosophy [cos' they had no internet or television, of course!].

Paul asked... "Is Christ divided??" Is there more than one Christ who died on the Cross?!

Are we divided today as Catholic Christians? I am for Fr...??/ Bro??/ Mr??/Ms??/ Sr..?? cos they're better speakers? better actors? better dressed??? look holier??  What are we looking for?

Paul exhorts that only 'infants' cry.. "I am for Apollos, I am for Cephas..." Christian adults know that the only wisdom is that of Christ ~  Christ Crucified! ~ The wisdom of the Cross! [which leads to the resurrection]. This is the wisdom that needs to be proclaimed as a united people. [Evil divides!] There can be no other way to evangelize... spread the Good News!, Paul reiterates that this can only be done through the Holy Spirit which we have in fact received at Baptism! [but lying dormant??]

So.. today, does our 'wisdom' come from the Church as the Body of Christ or from society? from fame? from technology? Do we as Christians 'judge' the Church with the eyes of the world? [as in "why should the church tell me what to wear!"] or  Can we look at the world with the eyes of the Church?? [as in, we dress as children of God... with decency!]

The only wisdom of Christ is that of the Cross! This wisdom can only be given by the Holy Spirit!

Do I seek true wisdom as a Christian or do I seek the 'wisdom' of the world?

"God Flip!"

It was the much in Magdalene that Jesus loved.

For, as Mark says, 

     "He was too much for them"

Like a woman who loves too much

like an ointment that costs too much

and is spilled too much, 

like a seventy times seven God

who forgives too much, 

like a seed that grows too much

and yields thirty,

   sixty

   a hundredfold.

     ~ John Shea, The Indiscriminate Host

When Christ said: "Forgive them for they know not what they do, ". He was speaking of an ignorance that excuses sin. Most of the time when we sin ~ we do know what we are doing, but we don't know how much God loves us ~ hence we are still innocent through ignorance.

         Karl Rahner, Prayers for a lifetime


My current favourite quotes... 
So... what is "too much"?  ;-)

24 years...

Today, I celebrate my 24th Anniversary as a Religious Sister... It's been a long and really wonderful journey with God who is always faithful even when I have 'strayed'.

Today, I'm happy just remembering that I've 'reached' thus far and am delighted to honestly and sincerely say... "I thank my God" for the gift of my vocation and I am truly happy in this life.

I am grateful to God for gifting me with the charism of St Magdalen of Canossa since my school days.  My thanksgiving inherently includes...

• my immediate and extended family who have always been so loving and supportive.
• my Sisters who have at times, seemed to have made my life a living hell but have ultimately taught me invaluable lessons of life.
• the friends [including prisoners] I have found in my ministry of sharing the faith, who have constantly encouraged me and given me the impetus to carry on with love.
• the small circle of my teenage years friends who still keep in touch and keep me young at heart :).
• the 'angels' who have always been available when I needed a listening ear.
• and to my Sisters in community now, who continue to love and support me through it all...

I want to say... "Deo Gracias" because each one of you, have been the 'Incarnation' ~ God, in skin... for me! 
May God bless each one with an abundance of continued wisdom and a life that is filled to overflowing with the joy and love of God! Pax!

The Teacher...

I really like teaching... especially teaching Scripture and Theology and mostly the feedback I get is positive,  but some days I wonder... am I giving my best? What is my best? This happens particularly when I don't think what[ever] I'm teaching isn't getting across to my 'audience'.  

My next question then is... Where's God in all this? God's supposed to make things good! Yet, why do I feel that my teaching's fallen flat in some way? Is is me? Am I losing my 'skill'?

Then... after some pondering [nothing close to our Blessed Mother's pondering, but] I remember what I am foundationally teaching!  What is that? It is my faith, my intrinsic relationship with God that comes from my deepest belief [most of the time], roots that tell me that God is in charge of all I do!! So I give of my best in preparation, as far as is humanly possible, and I believe that God takes over the actual teaching and mostly it all makes sense. Ultimately... God is THE TEACHER!

Thus, this is God teaching me again... I am a frail human who has a failing memory :)) and God reminds me that nothing is a failure in God's hands.  I fail myself when I forget that and just need to be reminded that it's God's work and God's teachings... I am merely an instrument, a mouth-piece and the end result is to give God all glory and that can take any form as long as I am focused and obedient to God's hand.

So, once again, am back on track and I thank God for this gentle reminder and continue on the journey with a grateful heart that continues to seek God in everyday life and in the people I meet and touch. I thank God for wonderful 'happenings' and for the love I experience daily, inspite and despite my frailty, God is ever faithful and loving. 

Thank you all Holy and Precious Trinity!

Bakhita !!!!

Today we celebrate with the Church the memory of a wonderful woman, child of God and a truly humble saint!

We, especially us, Canossians are blessed by her life and example... blessed and  humbled. It's not an easy path to imitate her but her love and humility which led her, like our Blessed Mother, to the foot of the Cross which is THE path for us... that is our Charism. So, we are grateful to God and the Church for giving us Bakhita as our special and precious saint. She is our model for us to walk the path of loving kindness and humility in the world that we live in ~ today, now and as a vision for the future.

As we celebrate this feast of St Josephine Bakhita with grateful hearts, we ask for prayers for the grace to live our Charism as she did. We who have been blessed and chosen to be Canossians, pray for the grace to walk in the path that God has gifted us with, to walk with faith, with hope and especially with forgiveness and humility as did Bakhita!

My theme song..."Five Loaves and Two Fishes"

Thank you and God bless you Corrine May for this beautiful and inspiring song...! Pax!

Recollection...my Five loaves and Two Fishes

My day of recollection this year brings to mind my liaision with the "5 loaves and 2 fishes' ~ the experiences of my Mt Tabor Sabbatical last year.  It was there that I was totally elated and even humbled when I 'saw' that Jesus had changed my little offering into food for 5 thousand men [not counting women and children!]. The elation [consolation?] has lasted for some months...

At this point, I am beginning to realise that my contribution is still strictly only '5 loaves and 2 fishes'. Did  I think that it was my giving that caused the multiplication?? Did I expect more in return?? Did my pride inflate? Yes, Yes and Yes! But... God said no... very gently, but clearly and firmly! The multiplication is not mine to claim, to covert, it belongs to God!  That [reality] is hard to accept! My finite being expects, perhaps even demands that God gives me the extras and magnify my contribution! And, that's where I fall on my face, bruise myself and border on self-pity! 

Fall I did but God, ever gracious and patient, holds me up, reminds me that the '5 loaves and 2 fishes' I gave are still my gift and that it's not to be taken for granted.  I can still claim them and as such, still surrender them to God if I choose to.
So, that's the invitation now, a hard choice but honestly, it's one that I will choose to make ~ a choice that comes with greater awareness and less demands and expectations. I now make a choice that has no strings attached because I know with my head and my heart too now that even the '5 loaves and 2 fishes' are not mine to hold and keep.  I need to surrender all and know that in God's hands it is going to feed all who seek God.  I too will be fed with perhaps 'food' that I never dreamed of, but with food that will nourish not only my body but especially that of my spirit... and that food is priceless.
So, I have been 'educated' further into the ways of God. The Holy Spirit lit my journey and I am called once again, to offer my meager self in trust and freedom.  I am again called to let go of my rights and wrongs, my rational expectations and to choose the narrow path that leads to the Lord of Light.
May our loving Mother whose FIAT showed us the way, continue to intercede for this journey.

It's 2011

Another year... it's begun quite eventfully with the Golden and Silver Jubilees of our Sisters celebrated on the 2nd of January.
Gosh... mine's next year!!

25 years of my life as a Religious Sister has passed like mostly like the breeze [at times like a fragrant rose and at times like a tempest!] that constantly blows.

I have absolutely no regrets about responding to the call to Religious life. God has been utterly wonderful and in the light of the 'infidelities' of today's culture...especially faithful.

I am filled with gratitude to God for the gift of my vocation and all I seek to do is to listen and obey the voice of God from especially from within my heart.

Listening to God's voice from within calls for fidelity from me... fidelity to my quiet time with God Alone and to holy discernment, particularly at 'crossroads'. I have not always been faithful and consequently, I have had to ride the high tide of fiery, desperate and even depressing moments of feeling lost and alone.

In and through all this, God has never left me alone as I was always led to 'seek and find'. There would always be 'God in skin' to show me the light that led me home. Home to God and to my community, to those who patiently waited to lift me and shower me with loving care.

This is the ultimate gift that is given... basically to all, 'all people of goodwill' because God is Abba in the most loving way! This is the gift of Mary's 'Fiat' ~ that is our call, a call that leads to the conception of Jesus deep within each one of us! Christians who are called to eventually to birth and thus proclaim the love of Christ to one and all!

Yes, the year has begun... Chinese New Year is round the corner... another reminder of the call to 'go out and proclaim the Good News!'

Shalom!

The beginning of another 'era'!

We've closed our beloved St Anthony's Canossian Convent!! [SACC] [Thankfully, the Schools will remain!] I am sooooo sorry and really sad that the convent of my school days has been closed! Upon reflection and looking at the situation, I have to admit that there really isn't much of a choice :( It's all been cleared, only the building stands and that too, not for long. So much love had been poured into it's building but the love will surely remain even if the building doesn't. Upon my return I considered going to say 'goodbye' but.. I don't have the heart to do that so, now all that is left to be done is to now clear what has been collected from SACC. The remnants of books, furniture and loads of other stuff. I have avoided looking at all that has been salvaged, but that's quite impossible, there's stuff [and good stuff too!] in every corner of the convent I now live in and so... I'll do my share of clearing and feel the heartache as I wade through the library books especially. The library was a special place of really good books. I am grateful that the good books have been saved.. now for the sorting.
"Dear God... As this new 'era' begins, give me the grace to let go of SACC with a whole heart so that I many give my best to where I am and basically, 'bloom where I'm planted'. I know you're here and will give me new life in this community and convent, so God, 'here I am, I come to do your will'. Pax!

It's been sooooo long!

Far too long since I blogged... My 7 months of Renewal in Tagaytay, Philippines has been really good! Why?? Simply because God is good and there was time there, being enfolded in the beauty of God's loving creation helped me to truly experience the wonderfully generous love of God! God truly cannot be outdone in generosity and I am grateful for the gift of time that allowed me that space to allow God's presence and love to sink deep into my heart.
My only desire presently is to be able to give that which I received so freely from Abba and to be worthy of the love I have abundantly received.
I pray for the grace to respond with love and compassion to all whom God gives me in my life and to be true to my community and to my call as a Daughter of Charity!
Peace to all who pass this way cos this truly... 'Holyground'!

A sabbatical experience...

The dawn has coloured the clouds a light bluish grey and the mountains are navy blue with light grey clouds hovering over the top. Patches of bright orange manifests the determination of the rising sun amidst the darkening clouds. The rising sun will win this 'battle' but, for now, the clouds that darken are holding the eternal sky.

The beauty here that my eyes have captured and wistfully seeks to retain cannot be justified by a mere photo shot. God's transcendence as seen here in the exalted array of clouds, mountains and trees with the glorious rising sun breaking through... is only viably seen through God's gift of sight!

The camera - like many other human devices, has obviously 'failed' me! The numerous shots I've taken [beautiful though they may seem to be] clearly manifests this failure :(

Ultimately, it is only in sitting before this awesome sight - glorious splendor of God's creation at the dawn of a new day - that I am filled with the totality of God's infinite goodness and love!

What more can I say but "Abba, Thank You!"

Big Hearts!!

Who is This Wonderful Man??

Awesome!.. A 'Sacrifice' of Love!